SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT » life, love, and the pursuit of...

Chatting With Stranger Men and The Business of Online Dating

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 06:05:00 +0000

"You didn't think they'd let you fall in love for free, now did you?", I asked my girl friend Veruca Salt* when she expressed her frustrations upon discovering that she had to pay in order to communicate with eligible bachelors on a particular dating site that she recently registered with. If you so much as want to bat your Maybelline'd lashes at a man on one of those sites, you have to cough up some cash first.

In the weeks leading up to that conversation, Veruca and I would throw equal amounts of shade at the idea of online dating. Never could we fathom explaining to our future children that we met their fathers on gotalovejones dot com (a purely fictional site, I hope). I guess you can say that we're traditional like that, and meeting men on dot coms is far from traditional. Plus there are the so-called stigmas that come with online dating. People can be perceived as being flawed in some way(s) if they have to take to the Internet to find love interests.

Then one day Veruca tells me about a friend of hers who has become totally smitten with a man that she met on bl.ack.pla.net (helloooo, year 2001). He treats her really well and all that jazz, and all of a sudden Veruca is throwing less shade and opening up her mind to this alternative form of dating--hence the reason she's registered with a site right now. And if that's not enough, she's already making some romantic progress.

Still, I'm very much on the fence about this kind of dating.

Even in the year 2010 when pretty much everything I do is online (shopping, ordering food, keeping up with friends and family, etc.), I still can not cosign with the idea of online dating. As if the men I meet in real life weren't special enough, the thought of chatting with stranger men over the Internets doesn't exactly have running to sign up.

Okay, I'm telling half-truths right now.

I signed up to see what the big deal was.

But I can only browse because I refuse to pay for dating. I'm traditional, remember?

Within the first few days of being an unpaid member, I come across the faces of men that I actually know in real life--men who have no business having dating profiles because they are either involved with someone or in a known relationship (#iseeyou). So aside from being an unconventional way to meet someone, I find that online dating can be a breeding ground for men and women who step outside of their relationships. A man who describes himself as single with no children can very well be married with a gang of kids at home. I'm really not trying to get caught up in anyone's elaborate lies.

But the more I click through profiles and read these bios, the more I give some of these men the benefit of the doubt. Not every person on these dating sites is flawed or desperate. Meeting people and dating in the traditional sense doesn't work for everyone. Busy schedules, an aversion to the club and bar scene, social anxiety, etc. make it difficult for some to meet new people. It's totally understandable to me now. Who knows, the man who will treat me the way I want to be treated may very well be a URL away.

But I still refuse to pay to (possibly) fall in love. For now.

What are your thoughts on online dating? Have you ever had a relationship with someone you met through a dating or social networking site? Would you judge someone if they did? Share your thoughts!

*name has been changed to protect the shamefully shameless.

'Brotha To The Night (A Blues For Nina)'

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 05:42:00 +0000

It's the scene from that movie that inspired this skit at that awards show:

I don't know why I dig this movie so much. Perhaps it's the soundtrack. Perhaps it's the electrifying connection between the beautiful Nina Mosley (Nia Long) and the smooth talking Darius Lovehall (Larenz Tate). Perhaps it's because men and women my age don't wax poetic like they did in this film, and it's the closest I'll get to experiencing it. What ever it is, it has me pressing play every few weeks to watch as Nina and Darius, both armed with guarded hearts, fall in love, fall out, and rekindle it again.

"...right now I'm the blues in your left thigh, trying to become the funk in your right. Is that all right?"

On Repeat: Miguel 'All I Want Is You' feat. J. Cole

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 15:33:00 +0000

So I know who J. Cole is, but who is Miguel Jontel? His single has been stuck in my head for the past few days, as it spins at least twice a day on the Si.rius R&B station I listen to. I finally got a chance to download it and it's been on repeat ever since.

According to Miguel's official website:

Bystorm/Jive recording artist Miguel is busy at work on his freshman masterpiece tentatively titled, Gravity. A captivating singer, songwriter, producer, and performer, Miguel fuses funk, hip-hop, and electro music creating a unique sound that defies genre.

At first glance, this guy looks like a model but he can really sing. His sound sort of reminds me of Raphael Saadiq and this song, with the help of J. Cole, reminds of Hip Hop circa 1990s. Anyway, here's the visual to the record that can't seem to escape me lately:

Thoughts?

Review: Sex And The City 2

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Sat, 29 May 2010 16:27:00 +0000

As a die hard fan of the series, I can say that I enjoyed the movie, but didn't necessarily love it. The color! The glitz! The glam! The gays! I was locked n from the moment Carrie Bradshaw Preston stepped out of her hyper luxe apartment building in the opening scene, to the tune of 'Empire State of Mind'.

Carrie's always been that chick to me, since '98 when didn't even own a cell phone and stored her clothes in her oven. I enjoyed part one and it seemed only fitting that I indulge in part deux.
But much to my chagrin, director/writer Michael Patrick King took some kind of weird turn and the movie ended up being totally removed from the original premise of the HBO series.

Yes, it was only a matter of time before the four friends put on their big girl pants and did "big girl things"--like settle down with one man, start a family, own real estate, take control of their own lives, etc. But it was like the writers on this movie gave SATC2 a shot of steroids. If you thought these girls lived a fantastical life before, you haven't seen anything yet.

***This is the part where you might want to skip over, as it ~~may~~ does contain some spoilers. I apologize now for not fully mastering the art of storytelling without giving away all the goodies.***

At this point in time, the girls are living the LIFE. Carrie's still freelancing for Vogue and has a new book about to hit the shelves. She's living it up with her major businessman Big, in their disgustingly beautiful apartment and has the luxury of still owning her first apartment. How many people do you know have can say they own two uber expensive apartments in New York City? Charlotte finally has the perfect family she's always wanted, but who bakes cupcakes in vintage fashion? That's the last thing I'd expect an involved mom of two to wear around children under the age of four. They are cute as buttons, but those little things are messy! Samantha, still the hottest mess ever, gains the opportunity of the lifetime to do business with wealthy businessmen in Abu Dhabi, of which they dub "the new Dubai". She manages to work her three girlfriends into the all expenses paid trip to the far, far East, where they are waited on hand and foot by their own personal manservants in a $22,000 a night hotel. How often does that happen? It just seemed very unrealistic in that sense. Additionally, Samantha's crass behavior made me uncomfortable, as she cursed, simulated sex, and disrespected the still very traditional Emerati culture. As a high-powered business woman, you'd think she'd be a lot more mindful of that, so as not to affect her business moves. Boss Lady basics, Samantha!

Additionally, every scene featured the ladies in the most lavish fashion. Rich garments and killer shoes. It was a fashionista's dream. Don't ask me to name designers--that is definitely not my thing. I just love to look and be inspired. The ladies, especially Carrie, were even dressed to the nines relaxing at home! I don't know about y'all but when I get married, don't expect me to part with my comfy sweats, tees, and socks when I'm on the sofa watching TV with my husband. Nope, not gonna happen.

***Okay, end of of possible spoilers.***

Storyline aside, the film was a visual cornucopia of fabulosity (hat tip to Kimora). The decor, design, and imagery really had me at attention. If I were an interior decorator, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. The visuals were out of this world. The set designers did an amazing job, from the New York City posh apartments to the lavishness of the locations in Abu Dhabi. They were simply breathtaking.

On a positive note, SATC2 did bring back theme of friendship, focusing less on the men in their lives and more on what made these girls "sole mates" in the first place. The movie also touched on the sensitive subject of just how hard being a mom really is, whether you have help or not. Furthermore, the topic of what happens after you say "I Do" is explored, and I thought it was so necessary. Too many people go into marriage thinking it's going to be rainbows and butterflies for the rest of their lives, but they are sadly mistaken.

I, for one, don't care for a part three of SATC. The series had a nice run and I don't think there's anything left to explore at this point. It seems like a lot of folks were disappointed with the sequel, and I totally get why. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it, either. It really did take an odd turn, and I don't think it can turn back.

What say you? Did you see it? What did you think? Did you like part one better? Are you hoping for a part three?

Black Love Deferred

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 16:36:00 +0000

I may not have this Black Love thing down pack yet, but I'm an advocate nonetheless. I love to see it, hear about it, and work on it myself because it's important to me. In today's world, especially among young people, you don't always hear stories about successful relationships among black men and women. It's like no one wants to be alone but no one wants to put in the work to build a substantial union. That's why it warms my heart to learn about young couples doing it and making it work. At the same token, it kills me to discover stories like this, where an innocent couple in love was shot to death by lowest of the low in their New Jersey hometown. On Easter weekend. Returning from their engagement party. The couple, Nia Haqq and Michael Muchioki, have been described by friends as the perfect couple in love and always by each other sides. The two were successful in their studies and careers, as well. What a damn shame.

Fortunately, three arrests have been made for this random and senseless act. Justice will be served, but at the end of the day, two beautiful young people lost their lives. At least they're together and loving one another in a bigger and better place.

Be sure to check out Love Mike & Nia, a heartwarming website site created by friends, dedicated to the duo and their love.

PHOTO SOURCE

VIDEO: Melanie Fiona - 'Ay Yo'

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:40:00 +0000

The beautiful and talented recording artist dropped a video for the fourth single off of her debut album, The Bridge.

I always liked the funky, old soul sound of this record. Her voice is a perfect match. The Bridge was my favorite R&B/Soul album of 2009.

Kotex Wants "U" To Help Break The Cycle

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 03:29:00 +0000

Kotex, a leading brand in female hygeine products, has launched a new campaign to keep it all the way real with women about their menstrual period. Gone are the days when we see happy girls wearing white pants, twirling in a field of flowers, hopping on her bicycle, and then frolicking on the beach in a two piece--all while she's on her flow! Check out the new snarky yet amusing ad spots for U By Kotex:

The ads poke fun at the commercials we're used to seeing, where the reality of monthly periods are sugarcoated are made to seem like a stroll in park. Not once, in all my years of being a woman, have I had an enjoyable experience, so these spots gave me a good laugh.

More importantly, the U By Kotex movement is trying to open up the dialogue between women about their periods so that it's less awkward to talk about:

Newsflash: It’s not the 1950s anymore. Talking openly about many intimate health issues is no longer taboo. In fact, it’s encouraged, leading to increased awareness and better health care for people everywhere. So why is it that society and the media still can’t get it together when it comes to women’s issues below the waist? Sadly, this secrecy and shame about all things related to vaginal health have a negative impact on a woman’s body image, self-esteem and overall health.

In a recent survey, 70% of women said they wish society would change the way it talks about vaginal health, but less than half feel like they can do anything about it. U by Kotex* brand wants to help women change the conversation about periods and vaginal care. By bringing it out into the open, we hope that every woman will learn to think differently, talk openly, take charge, help Break the Cycle* and begin to feel comfortable with her body and confident about her personal care.

Believe it or not, women are still afraid to talk about their feminine hygeine, even in the year 2010. We've been raised to think that it's not okay to talk about our periods. Even as a teenager, my own mother insisted that she purchase my hygeine products (and tampons were out of the question). The ads that we've been used to seeing have also lead us to believe that if our periods aren't ask enjoyable as they depict, something must be wrong, thus making us too uncomfortable to talk about it with each other.

I like where Kotex is going with this, and from the looks of their awesome interactive website, women all over the place agree. Check it out for to learn more about the movement and to get yourself some samples from this new product line.

Why Did I Get Married, Too? I Don't Know, Why Did You?

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 19:08:00 +0000

I caught a showing of Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married, Too? with friend and blogger buddy Danielle (of The Style & Beauty Doctor) this weekend. I didn't go with any high expectations, but I did see the first one and was interested in seeing how those four couples had evolved in the sequel.

I can't say that I hated it, but there were definitely parts that could have been better written, explained, and developed. Tasha Smith and Michael Jai White's characters' relationship was enough to scare anyone away from marriage. Tyler Perry wasn't convincing as someone's husband. Still. I'd have to say that the better scenes were Janet's. She was in a dark, dark place throughout much of the movie, and left me on the verge of tears a few times. How she was able to even go there (considering the fact that she was dealing with her brother's passing during filming) was beyond me.

The ending was quite unexpected (and tragic!), to say the least, and left the door wide open for a third installment. But please, Tyler Perry, I beg of thee, don't let there be another sequel!

Did you see WDIGMToo? Hated it? Loved it? Does TP need to quit while he is ahead? Let me know what you thought!

Spring Cleaning, Spring Awakening

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 01:40:00 +0000

~~In only a matter of days, the season of Spring will be upon us.~~ Although we most likely won't feel it's warming effects right away, simply knowing that Spring is in the air gives us a certain feeling.

It's about more than just breaking out that new trench coat and baring your legs in skirts; it's about rebirth and renewal. It's why your momma made you wear a brand new dress on Easter Sunday and why people generally declutter their homes at this time of year. They rid their closets and dresser drawers of crap that's been taking up entirely too much space. As a result, the home feels less cramped and you can maneuver through it easier.

Figuratively, Spring means letting go of things you've hoarded over time, whether it be bad habits or bad relationships. It clears your head and you maneuver through life easier. This is the best time to do it.

Why not? Your mind will thank you for it later.

*A re-post from last year, because it still holds true.

Coming Attractions: Just Wright Movie Trailer

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 01:00:00 +0000

JUST WRIGHT stars Queen Latifah as Leslie Wright, a straight shooting physical therapist who gets the gig of a lifetime working with NBA All-Star Scott McKnight (Common). All is going well until Leslie finds herself falling for Scott, forcing her to choose between the gig of a lifetime and the tug-of-war inside her heart.

I would have never thought to pair these two, but they seem to have great on-screen chemistry. ~~Cleo~~ The Queen looks too fab! Just Wright is scheduled to be released on May 14th.

...Love That Girl!, But Do We Love That Show? (Review)

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 03:49:00 +0000

Last night was the premiere of Tatyana Ali's new sitcom Love That Girl!, the first original scripted series on cable network, TvOne.

From the official site:

Tyana (Tatyana Ali) is a recent young divorcee returning to Southern California in search of new independence, a new career and a brand new chapter in her life.

Sounds simple enough, right? While the premise of the show looks good on paper, sitting through the first two 30-minute episodes left me unfulfilled and a little disappointed. The cast seemed very random, the comedic timing was off, the story line moved way too fast, and there were one too many stereotypes floating around.

I make it my business to support Black sitcoms whenever one makes it past the cutting room floor, because shows focused on the lives of people of color (in a positive light) have become damn near nonexistent over the past several years. Tatyana captured our attention as Ashley Banks back in the day, as did executive producer Martin Lawrence, so I had somewhat high expectations for this one.

I actually want the show to get picked up for more episodes, though. Hopefully they'll get funding for better writers and actors. Love That Girl! is just a little rough around the edges, but it has the potential to be a good show if they clean it up a bit.

Thoughts?

WHAT SHE SAID: Gabourey Sidibe

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:39:00 +0000

"People always ask me, 'You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?' It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn't have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it's your home, and you must decorate it."

Breakout starlet Gabourey Sidibe, featured in this month's Harper's Bazaar, has the self-confidence of a thousand Naomi Campbells and many of us women should take note. It's a stark difference from the character she portrayed in last year's "Precious", the movie that had everyone talking. Gabby's self-assurance is admirable and infectious, and her words transcend the issue of size. Words to live by, don't you think?

Thoughts?

Funny How Time Flies...

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 20:48:00 +0000

Here's to a new year (and beyond) of being a better person (inside and out), taking more risks, and living life fearlessly.
I'd also like to thank everyone, old and new, who has kept up with She's Gotta Have It since it's inception in May of 2008. That was a time when I was gearing up to graduate from college, and needed an outlet to keep my writing skills sharp and share whatever was on my mind, specifically the interests of twentysomething women like myself. I take pride in producing original content with substance, as opposed to simply embedding a celebrity photo and talking about their most recent antics. When I write, I like to imagine that I'm back in an ENG 3000 course and my piece is going to get graded by a professor. I hope I've succeeded in doing so, and you've enjoyed my style of writing.
Since graduating, some moments in my life have been pretty trying, but at the same time they've humbled me in so many ways. Today, I am more aware of myself as a young woman and I'm okay with not being a "Polaroid of perfection". Again, thank you for keeping up with me. Thank you for the great feedback, and for telling your friends about me. It really means a lot! I hope you keep reading and sharing your thoughts with me.

.GIF SOURCE

Coming Attractions: The Carrie Diaries, Plus Sex & The City 2 Trailer

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:29:00 +0000

Sex & The City creator Candace Bushnell is going to have one busy schedule next year.

Part deux of the SATC movie is slated to be released in the Spring, as is her new book, The Carrie Diaries. It's said to be a chronicle of Miss Bradshaw's life as a teenager, from her early love interests to her then budding writing career. I discovered this on Amazon, while doing some book shopping, and just had to look into it. I'm loving the cover art.

What are you SATC ~~freaks~~ enthusiasts more excited about? Personally, I can't wait to read the book and get a glimpse of Carrie's life pre-Big and before she became everyone's favorite gal about town. Not to say that life ends after marriage and childbirth, but I'm not really sure of what else is left to tell in movie sequel. Nonetheless, I will be watching! I'm down for whatever adventure these four embark on.

Check out the trailer for SATC2:

SOURCE

She's Gotta See It: The Princess & The Frog

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:19:00 +0000

I finally found the time to catch The Princess & The Frog and I really enjoyed it. As a girl who was born in the 80s and raised in the 90s, Disney Princess movies were definitely a part of my childhood. Beating out the others, Cinderella has always been my favorite Disney Princess, so much so that I'm seriously considering having "So This Is Love" played at my wedding reception. Okay, I'm ~~not~~ kidding.

I thoroughly enjoyed The Princess & The Frog, from the music to the overall theme. The characters were wonderfully drawn, as was the New Orleans backdrop. It made my heart sing to finally see a Princess who looked like me and the girls I know. Tiana was absolutely beautiful and what made her even more beautiful was her work ethic, independence, and moral character. She worked arduously towards her goals and never compromised herself, even when she was tempted. Props to Tiana for doing what was right.

Unlike many, I didn't trip over Prince Naveen's skin complexion. Sure he wasn't Black, but he wasn't White, either. I would have loved to have seen a beautiful chocolate man playing alongside Tiana, but like I said, I wasn't tripping.

Personality-wise, Naveen is the most realistic Prince out of the Disney bunch (aside from The Beast). He's self-absorbed and spoiled, a far cry from the pristine and damn near perfect Princes that Disney has been pushing on us gals for years. While I will always long to find my Prince Charming, I'm realistic and old enough to know that I'm going to come across way more Naveens than Prince Erics and Prince Phillips. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

All in all, this film is major, considering that Tiana is the first Black Princess on the Disney roster. And yes, I do expect to see more Princesses of color in the future. Hop to it, Disney! It's been a long time coming.

What are your thoughts on TP&TF? Did you love it? Hated it? Was Prince Naveen's complexion an issue for you? Please share!

Anika Noni Rose Covers ESSENCE

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:28:00 +0000

Let us all breath a sigh of relief, as ESSENCE has finally featured a fresh face on their latest issue. Award-winning actress and singer Anika Noni Rose graces the January cover, looking pretty fabulous. She's also the voice of Disney's first Black princess ('The Princess and the Frog').
Over the last few years the magazine's cover girls have become quite redundant and predictable, often featuring the same actresses and singers over and over again. I love them, but I've grown tired of seeing Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Gabrielle Union, Alicia Keys, and the like month after month. I can name a few other Black women in business and entertainment who are deserving of some shine--can you?
And just in case you haven't already seen it, here's the official trailer for 'The Princess and the Frog':

(!!!)

PHOTO SOURCE

Maybe Next Time He'll Think Before He Cheats...

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 03:27:00 +0000

I know that's not a photo of Tiger's wife, nor did she bust the windows out his car with a baseball bat (it was a golf club--same difference!), but 'Before He Cheats' instantly popped into my head when I read of the alleged domestic altercation between the golf champ and his wife. Louisville Slugger aside, this photo is so fitting for this bizarre story.

The original story read something like Tiger crashing his car, hitting a fire hydrant and a tree at two in the morning. His wife, Elin Nordegren, comes to his rescue, nine iron in hand, smashing the rear windows. Tiger's face is cut up and he's in and out of consciousness by the time the authorities arrive. Since the incident, this story has been spun in so many ways, by Tiger's camp and the public. It's being said that Tiger had been stepping out on his wife (and mother of his two young children) and she was not having that. She basically let him know what was what.

Now we should all know that domestic violence, whether it be from the hand of a man or woman, is just wrong. But I'm not here to discuss all that. I'll leave that to those who are on Team Elin, but ripped Rihanna a new one during Chrihanna Gate of 2009.

I just want someone to help me understand: Why do people cheat? Seriously, WHY? Do you see how messy your situation can get if The Scorned catches wind of your late night creeping? I've never cheated nor have I ever been cheated on (to my knowledge), so I don't totally follow why someone (high profile or not) would risk tarnishing their image on a side piece, usually a person they don't even care that much for in the first place.

Furthermore, is loyalty and fidelity too much to ask for in a relationship? Even if the union had dwindled over time, why not have enough respect for yourself and the other person by calling it quits before you start up with someone else? Selfishness is what it is. For Tiger, it would be bad for his image and his wallet. But if it comes out that he really did cheat on his wife, his image and wallet (possible divorce costs, spousal/child support, loss of endorsement deals, etc.) will be impacted, anyway.

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

VIDEO :: Alicia Keys - 'Empire State of Mind II' (LIVE)

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:53:00 +0000

I haven't listened to much Alicia Keys music lately (there's just something about allegedly cavorting with a married man and promoting female empowerment simultaneously that just cancels out any credibility that you may have had, thus causing me to hit 'next' whenever a song of yours comes up on my iTunes) but I stumbled upon this gem of a remix (sans Jay-Z) and I just had to share:

I'm rather geocentric when it comes to all things New York, and even though I've lived here all of my life, I actually felt a little rush as Alicia belted out these lyrics. How about you?

The Game on 'The Mo'Nique Show'

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:25:00 +0000

At this point, I've pretty much given up hope that The Game will be revived. Since it's cancellation last May, different stories have circulated among fans (including the show's cast and crew) about the show being picked up by it's original network. For a minute, we even thought that BET (where you can catch the show's re-runs daily) was trying to take the reigns, but nothing solid has come from them either. Since there has been no official statement regarding the return of Melanie, Derwin, and Co. I think it's safe to say The Game is not coming back. It sure was fun while it lasted.

Mo'Nique recently sat down with the entire cast on her late night talk show and they talked about their time on the show, but there was no mention of it's possible revival. Check it.

Part One & Part Three
EDITED TO ADD: I just peeped the BET blog post regarding the cast's reunion on Mo'Nique's show and there are over 1,300 comments on that post alone. Wow. Earth to BET! The show has a major following. Get the ball rolling already!

WHAT SHE SAID: Dr. Maya Angelou

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:34:00 +0000

"...I want to be as beautiful as I can be, to myself first, and to anybody else who has enough sense to see me."

Your favorite poet's favorite poet (and all around Superwoman) was among the honored at last night's Women of the Year 2009 event, hosted by Glamour magazine. The event was held at NYC's Carnegie Hall. Dr. Maya Angelou uttered those great words during her acceptance speech for the Lifetime Achievement award that she received. Other honorees included First Lady Michelle Obama, tennis sensation Serena Williams, American Foreign Policy Advisor Susan Rice...and Rihanna--just to name a few.
I love a good quote. Sometimes those two or three sentences are all you need to get you going and to keep you going. 'What She Said' is a new feature of SGHI, where I will share with you inspiring, thought provoking, and downright brazen quotes from women that we pretty much co-sign on. If you know of some great quotes that you'd like to share, feel free to drop me a line. I love hearing from readers. 'Til next time...
PHOTO SOURCE

Winter Boos, "Cuffing" Season, & Out of Season Shopping

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:00:00 +0000

"I want a boyfriend," I jokingly told my sister as we both stared into the mirror of our bathroom. It's where we congregate every night to chat about the day's events, as we wrap our hair and get ready for bed.

"They're all taken by now. You should've got yourself one back in August like everyone else!"

"Like a North Face snorkel you buy long before winter comes?" The sarcasm was definitely in my voice.

What my sister has touched on is what many refer to as the Winter Boo (pause for reaction). A Winter Boo is a person obtained for the sole purpose of keeping you company (personal interpretations may vary) during the long, cold Winter months. Winter Boos are typically acquired months in advance, during a period conversationally known as "cuffing season" (second pause).

I guess while I was busy trying to keep from catching a heat stroke this past summer, girls and guys alike were hitting the streets in hopes of finding someone to curl up with once snow hits the ground.

Before I get into why I refuse to subscribe to this silly phenomenon, let me just say that cuffing season reminds me of shopping. Yes, shopping.

Stay with me.

Any true consumer knows that in order to get the best deals, one must shop out of season. So while your girlfriend struggles this December to let go of the three bills she’s about to drop for that new North Face snorkel (NYC folks know what I’m talking about), you’re securing the zipper on yours—the one you snagged for half the price back in July. Who comes out on top with this one?

Like shopping for winter gear in December, the chances of you snagging a good deal (a.k.a. a decent person to cuddle up with) gets slimmer and slimmer as the days get colder. This is when people become desperate and will take what they can get. No thank you!

I can totally understand why people feel the need partner up during this time. In the coming weeks, the temperature is going to drop something fierce and what better way to keep warm than with someone six-foot (this one's for the ladies), big arms, and a DVD collection that is as extensive as yours? Exactly.

Personally, I cannot and will not subscribe to anything remotely related WBs/cuffing season. For starters, I hate the term “cuffing”. It likens getting together with someone to a prison sentence (handcuffs—get it?). Nothing about a relationship, long-term or short, should be compared to a jail term. Establishing a relationship is a voluntary act—no one is forcing you to be with him or her, so ease up on the prison-like words. Furthermore, it doesn’t sit well with me that someone would only be into me so that they don’t feel cold and lonely for the next three months. What happens when Spring rolls around? We part ways and vow never to speak of the past several weeks? What do I look like to you? Boy, bye. You need not apply.

Your turn: What’s your take on cuffing season and winter boos? Did you snag yours already? Are you resisting like me? What is the proper protocol one must follow when taking on a winter boo? Have you done any good pre-winter shopping yet? Let me know!

Chrisette Michele's Heart Is "Fragile" [VIDEO]

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:55:00 +0000

The R&B/Soul singer teams up with rapper Wale to give us the remixed version of her fourth single "Fragile", off her latest album Epiphany.

It looks like Chrisette had her own 'Good Hair' documentary going on in this video, :) Musically and vocally, she can do no wrong!

Michelle O Graces Cover of Glamour

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:25:00 +0000

Leave it to our lovely First Lady to take me off my little blogging hiatus! Commander-in-Sheath Michelle Obama is looking holiday party ready on the cover of December's Glamour magazine. It's their annual "Women of the Year" issue and Mrs. O is being recognized for all of the amazing work she's done since Barack Obama's inception as President of the United States earlier this year. Here are some snippets of Michelle dishing on mentoring young girls, her personal style, not putting herself last, and men and dating:
Michelle on mentoring, especially for young women:

"Mentoring is such a critical part of the role I can play in this position. I see how little bits of exposure and big bits of exposure really change my girls significantly, and I want that for more girls around the country and the world.”

On not putting herself last:

“I have always tried to put my kids first, and then...put myself a really close second, as opposed to fifth or seventh. One thing that I’ve learned from male role models is that they don’t hesitate to invest in themselves.”

On men and dating:

“Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul...When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good...You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.”

That last piece of advice? GOLDEN.

For the full interview, be sure to check out the Glamour's December issue, which hits shelves next week.

SOURCE

SAVE THE BOOBS: October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 22:12:00 +0000

As I get older, the fact that I need to be concerned with health issues like breast cancer bothers me a little. While no woman (or man--they can get it, too) in my immediate family has ever been affected by it, it is still an issue. I never want to experience the mental, physical or emotional effects that come with this debilitating disease. Call it superficial but I don't care--I love my boobs and I don't ever want to lose them.

That's why early detection is so important. The sooner you discover any abnormalities, the sooner you can be treated, the better the treatment can work, and the better your chance of survival. While it is recommended that women in their 40s get yearly mammograms, it is also suggested that women in their 20s (!) get a head start on pre-screening for changes in the breasts.

Enter breast self examinations (BSE). I actually discovered BSE on my own as a pre-teen. I saw this plastic card hanging in a family member's bathroom with step-by-step instructions on how to perform a breast exam on yourself in the shower and I've done it off and on ever since. Below is an updated version of that card:

(click to access larger PDF version)

It should go without saying that a BSE should not replace a doctor's examination. You should even consult your health professional to make sure you're doing the self-exam the right way, anyway. Consider a BSE something you do in between doctor's visits. Remember: the sooner you discover any abnormalities, the sooner you can be treated, the better the treatment can work, and the better your chance of survival.

Want to know more about breast cancer awareness and prevention? Visit the Susan G. Komen for the Cure website. It's loaded with facts and information, including ways you can support the cause. One more time: early detection is key!

Melanie Fiona - 'It Kills Me' [VIDEO]

girlshesgottahaveit@gmail.com (Jen) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 05:28:00 +0000

"...I gotta be out my mind, to think it’s gonna work this time... a part of me wants to leave, but the other side still believes..."

Melanie Fiona does it again! The Toronto songbird recently dropped the video for 'It Kills Me', the follow up single to 'Give It To Me Right', both off her debut album, The Bridge, to be released this Fall.

On 'It Kills Me', Ms. Fiona pours her heart out, going back and forth with herself on whether she should walk away from her unhealthy relationship. The video features a ten-piece band and guest stars (boyfriend-in-my-head) Adam Rodriguez of CSI: Miami and I Can Do Bad fame. I definitely wasn't expecting that part at the end. I love this girl's sound!

Thoughts?